Monday, June 1, 2009

maybe a lobotomy would help

Breathe in. Breathe out. That's what I'm focused on. Thursday is my 4th wedding anniversary. Yay. We made it 4 years.

I kept telling myself that I'd be fine, it's just another day, no biggie. But something about it being Monday and the official start of the week...Well I'm losing my mind. I'm trying so hard not to have panic and anxiety attacks that I'm literally twitching. So pardon me in advance if I do a whole bunch of random, manic sounding blog posts in the next week or so. You can picture me laughing like a crazy person if it makes them easier to sit through.

The Lexapro is failing me when I need it the most. I'm running around like a psycho trying to take my mind off of it. I'll get a lot done this week, I'm sure. I'll also have random breakdowns too. I don't miss the days of random breakdowns. I was so done with them! But I feel like I'm back on that emotional edge. Don't look at me wrong or I'll burst into tears. The more I try to forget, the more I think about it. I'm hoping that the whole "anticipation is worse than the event" thing will hold up in this case. I'm hoping I get to Thursday and forget what day it is. Fat effing chance.

*sigh* I'm spending Thursday with my hero and BFF, Stacy. She won't look at me strange if I start sobbing or laughing hysterically all the sudden.

I don't know if the shopping ban can hold up through this. I just might not be that strong.



  1. Maybe something like Klonopin or Ativan would be better than the Lexapro. Or in addition to. Just for a week or two. Works for me. Like 1/2 mg takes off the edge of the anxiety. Could you get an appt with your doctor that fast? (I could FedEx you my Klonpin).

  2. Haha. Yeah right. I make my appointments 3 months in advance. I'm hoping I can make my next one before I sign the papers and my health insurance poofs into nothingness. There's nothing fast about any psychiatrist in Houston. Haven't you heard? We're totally screwed up here.

  3. Thinking of you, keep breathing, slow and steady in and out.

  4. "Go take a chill pill" sounds cruel in this case. I'm not even joking either! I hope you get through the week much better than anticipated. Isn't it ironic that you are freaking out about the possibility of freaking out?

  5. I don't want to sound flip, but it will get better, as a former divorced person I can say this! It is always the hardest at first, but as time passes it does get easier, I swear! My anniversary with my ex can come and go without me even remembering anymore. I will be thinking of you and sending supportive thoughts your way!
    ~Michele from By Your Side

  6. I think that you should definitely lift the shopping ban this week. Doing stuff for yourself will probably help too - even if that means staying in bed watching TV for a week straight. Don't worry about not being motivated (that's what you've been twittering about lately - duh, as if you didnt know!)or getting work done. Go for a mani/pedi or a massage...and just take care of yourself. Hang in there...the anniversary will be over soon!