Tuesday, June 2, 2009

i am SUCH a genius

You know how there are some things you just let a professional do? Like replacing your transmission, preforming brain surgery, and oh, I don't know, waxing your eyebrows? Yeah. I had a major lapse in judgement today. I totally waxed one end of an eyebrow off. Like completely off. Gone.

I'll start at the beginning because there are some warning signs that I hope to help others identify before they repeat my mistakes.

I've always plucked my own eyebrows. I can get the darker ones, but after some time I get a bunch of fine, tiny blonde hairs that are impossible to get with tweezers. I start to look furry around my eyebrows. The light catches them. Haha. Anyway, every now and then I go to get my eyebrows waxed to get all the little ones that I can't. In an effort to save money (there are just some things you should pay for), I bought some wax at Wal-Mart on Sunday.

Today would be the day, I decided. I got out my magnified vanity mirror and sat by the window (because natural light is best). I opened the box and dumped out false advertising at its best. I read the instructions. I always wonder how long to warm it. However, "Use our new Accu-Warm Paddle!" the instructions exclaimed. Supposedly it takes the guesswork out of waxing. You simply stick the temperature gauging paddle in the wax and wait till it says "Ready". Awesome. Can do. First sign that I should have run screaming: there wasn't an Accu-Paddle in my box.

Ok, don't panic. Not an issue. The instructions say just to test it on your wrist. So I warm it for 30 seconds as the instructions "suggested". It didn't so much as soften. So I did a minute. Nothing. So I did another minute. Ok, the edges are melting. One more minute should do it. Since it had warmed so slowly, I put it in and went to let the dog out back. I began to smell something just nasty from the kitchen. I run to the microwave. My wax is boiling. Literally. And it reeks.

Alrighty, no biggie. I'll just let it cool. I almost died from exposure to the fumes, but after about 15 minutes it had cooled down enough that it didn't scald my wrist. So I get out the little wooden applicator stick, and put it on my eyebrow. Cuh-rap. I got it too high.

Don't worry. I can salvage this. I'll just wipe the wax off the top. Oh, but it doesn't just wipe off. It pulls out about 85% of the hairs anyway. Now I just look like an adolescent boy trying to grow a beard with like 3 hairs sprouting. At this point, I gave in and just plucked the rest of the end off. Know when to fold 'em.

In my defense, that particular eyebrow has a scar running through the middle of it from when I got hit in the head with a beer bottle. So not a lot of hair grows there in the first place. This made it easier than normal to get too much hair in the wax. Right.

After I divested myself of half the first eyebrow, I was brave (stupid?) enough to do the other. It went ok. I'm still sporting a full brow on that side. But after I cleaned up the table (because I had dripped and stretched strings of wax all over the place) my ill-fated attempt at waxing went directly in the trash. Good riddance.

Hopefully it doesn't take too long for my eyebrow to grow back in. Not like I go anywhere anyway. It doesn't look too too bad. I guess. God is really testing me on this not shopping thing. I could really use some new sunglasses to cover up my stupidness...



  1. I don't imagine an eyebrow pencil is an option in Texas heat/humidity. You're young, it will probably grow back after awhile. I burnt off the eyelashes on my right eye once at a bad rock concert trying to light a clove cigarette in the dark. I was out of my element. You know what I like to use is this sugaring gel, it's sticky like wax, but it's sugar based so you CAN wipe it off if you get it somewhere it oughtn't to be, it just dissolves like maple syrup. I'll try and find where I got it (but maybe it's not a good idea for you).

  2. I am not laughing at you, but with you (you are laughing now that this is over, right?). Sounds like something I would have done a long time ago. I never waxed my brows, but used to take a razor (not electric) and remove the hair sometimes. One time I removed nearly half of one, and cut the skin also. This was in high school. My bangs were long at that time. In my mind it helped the situation, but people still noticed. I guess I was laughing because it reminded me of soemthing I would do.


  3. This is something I would NEVER do myself. I would definitely wax the entire thing off.

  4. I have been known to cut bangs to hide bad eyebrows. I feel your pain...even though you did make me giggle

  5. I am so glad that you have a sense of humor about it. I would be absolutely devastated and wouldnt leave the house for weeks. At least eyebrows grow back quickly!

  6. That sounds terrible. I have always been way too scared to try wax.