YAY!!!

I got featured in Angela's treasury!! Too exciting. I love her. You will love her too, so go see her shop and her blog.

Then go look at the treasury!!

Ok, gotta keep trying to catch up on everything...ugh.

my personal jewelry designer

I'm taking a break from working on my custom mirror. It's pretty big so I have to do it on the floor. My back and knees are killing me. I've been trying to stop buying stuff till I start selling stuff, so it's been awhile since I've really gotten to work on something. It feels good.

I'm so, so excited! I asked my wonderful friend Dian from Holmes Craft to make me some earrings, and she listed them for me today. Holy cuh-rap, they're absolutely gorgeous! I was so giddy. Not only is she incredibly good at what she does, but she's the sweetest thing ever. Working with her is a blast.

She did such a good job. I sent her some pictures of some earrings I liked, but wanted in different colors. I'm pretty sure it was confusing as hell. But she did it all perfectly. Very rarely do things turn out exactly like you planned.

So yay for earrings! I can't wait to get them :) Go visit her store! You can have your very own personal jewelry designer just like me. Actually, on second though, she's mine. Find your own :)

xoxo

fun pictures!

I have some pictures from my fun little outing with Stacy and Kaitlin the other day. And I took some pictures of my slate tile mirror I've been working on because I love it! It's just had it's first coat of grout and the mirror is dirty from finger prints and grout smudges, but you get the idea...

Here's Miss K playing in the fountains and enjoying her mini-smoothie:

And here are some pictures of my slate mirror. It was hard to get good pics because I really wanted to get the sparkly-ness of them and the colors at the same time! I took them with my flash so that the light would reflect. I know that's a no-no, but the flash-less ones didn't do it justice.

So anyway, just wanted to share some pics. I can't wait till my mirror is all done! I love it!!

xoxo

don't worry - i'm not for real happy

First of all, I GOT THE JOB!! Haha yay! I'm really excited! They like my writing!! Thanks for all your support and encouragement :) It's not like I'm going to be Carrie Bradshaw (yet!), but it pays money. Like real money! I'll be writing for the "Green Wise" department of handmadenews.org. I'm going to have to learn a lot about going green really quickly. Or perhaps I will write something of a going green for idiots column. Then everyone can laugh at me as I bumble through this new world. Either way, I'm thrilled.

Second, yesterday wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, I daresay I had a really good day. It's always fun to hang out with Stace and K. They're good for the soul. All the sweet comments and emails didn't hurt either!!

K is chattering away and saying my name lots now. When Stacy won't give her what she wants she tears up and looks and me and whimpers, "Chelle, Chelle, Chelle, Chelle." I'm defenseless. She plays dirty.

This is random, but on the way to the sticks to visit S and K yesterday, I saw a sign that said "Clean dirt wanted" and it had a phone number. Clean dirt? Really? I wanted to take a picture because it just amused me, but it's highly dangerous to so much as blink in Houston traffic. Ah the joys of traveling bumper-to-bumper at 60 mph.

I feel like I've crossed some kind of line in this divorce thing. I'm still not sure how I'll handle it when I actually have to sign the papers, but I have more hope after yesterday. I always knew logically that I'd be ok. I mean, I'm not going to literally die. But I didn't see an end. I'm still not totally ok and it still hurts a lot, but I think I'm floating instead of sinking now. I just realized that I could have been the perfect wife and he still would have found an excuse to divorce me at some point. Better now than after another 5 years and 2 kids. It makes me incredibly sad because things were really good, but what can you do?

Gee, I sound chipper. This is not at all like me. Maybe CVS put a little something extra in the meds to make sure I didn't come back and go postal on them. Don't fret though. I'm still my bitterly sarcastic self. Things are not going to be all rainbows and bunnies from now on. I still wanna drop kick him and people still just generally drive me insane.

xoxo

can i just say...

...that I have the BEST readers EVER! You guys rock. Thank you so much for your emails and messages and thinking of me today. I'm glad to say that it's not quite as hard as I anticipated. A migraine is creeping in, but nothing a little tequila...I mean Tylenol...won't cure. I was gonna do my Spoonful, but I'm supposed to be leaving for Stacy's house now and I haven't even dried my hair yet. However, I will attempt to get to it tonight when I get home. And if I don't, I have a feeling that everyone would understand.

Oh and I applied for that columnist position, so now we'll just have to wait and see! And thank you (again!) to everyone for the support on that too. I'm glad I'm entertaining :)

You all make me smile!

xoxo

did i miss some brain-sucking aliens or something???

I saw an ad on Facebook for match.com. The little headline was "Want love to find you?" Um, if he looks anything like the guy in the picture, then hell yes! Unfortunately, he was probably some paid model and there's no one nearly that attractive on there. Not that I'm knocking match.com, mind you. I'm sure there are some very good looking folks on there. Not that I want a man. Nope. No way. But I wouldn't kick him out of bed in the morning, if you know what I mean :)

But this prompted me to go to match.com and see what all the fuss is about. You have to make a user name to look, so I was doing all that jazz. It asks you for your birthday and when I was picking the year, it went all the way down to 1919! Holy crap! If there is anyone who was born in 1919 on match.com, I wanna see.

I'll have you all know that match.com is extremely entertaining. The pictures are cracking me up. One guy is reading a cereal box in a grocery store. Awesome. Does anyone know what it means when the box around their picture is red? I found that to be rather alarming. But seriously guys, put your tongue back in your mouth and find a shirt that fits. And don't make your user name "passiontool". For real? And it would probably be best if your mother wasn't in your profile picture. And take off the hat and sunglasses, homeboy. They're gonna figure out what you really look like eventually. Oh and we have "sexman" and "beatthehellouttau". Utterly charming, gents. And they say chivalry is dead. Oh and I really, really, really don't want to date anyone with 'crab' in their screen name.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I totally just saw this guy I knew in high school. Awesome. This is just awesome.

I'm going to start a business making over people's match.com profiles. This is lots of fun. It's like people watching from the comfort of your home. And you can be way meaner and laugh out loud.

Ok, I took a minor break because Mom wanted to go to Sonic for a free root beer float. It was insanity by the way. Never, ever again. I had to get my meds at the pharmacy too. CVS has now replaced my husband as numero uno on my shit list. I'm enrolled in their little auto-refill program. The first few times it worked ok, but for the last 3 months or so I get the little computer voice who calls and says that my prescriptions are ready. Then I get there and they're not. So this happened again today. Got a call this morning, went this afternoon and they act like I'm speaking French. So I told the chick that this was the 3rd time this had happened. She looked at me and was like, "Uh when do you want to come get them?" It took some major self-control, but I just said, "Tonight."

So I go back. This time I go in and not through the drive-thru because it's easier to strangle people from across the counter. It's just awkward trying to do it out the window of your car. Same chick. I tell her my name. She can't find my prescriptions. Effing imagine that. So she's checking the computer and she's all like, "Oh they got filled at a different location." Then she kinda shrugs, like "What can you do?"

Silence.

Now, I'm a pretty patient person - to a point. But this was just ridiculous. So I said, "And that is my problem because?" She looked at me like I was an idiot and she's like, "We can't fill them in two places."

Silence. Rapid blinking.

I told her politely (through gritted teeth) that I had been filling my prescriptions there for 6 months and I don't know why in the world they would have gotten filled at another store, but that was not my fault and that I was not going to drive all over town because they couldn't do their jobs. Then I requested (demanded) that if they weren't going to fill it there, that they should have someone go get my meds from the other place. So she gets her little manager. Little manager said they were going to have to call the other store, tell them to pull them, and refill them at this location. She asked when I would like to get them. I said, "Now." She started the spiel about how it takes such-and-such amount of time and all that junk and suggested I come back tomorrow. I told her I was out of medications that regulated my temper and violent outbursts, and I needed them tonight.

She decided she'd double check the racks. Good plan on her part because, lo-and-behold, there they were. So now I've wasted another 45 minutes of my life in CVS that I will never get back. Someone please tell me that I am not the only person left with any common sense.

Well, I was going to do my Spoonful in this post, but I kind of got off on some tangents and I think that the Spoonful deserves its own (or at least a less crazy raving) post.

Stay tuned.

xoxo

oh and...

I made a Facebook fan page. I'm ticked cause it won't let me update my info, but go be my fans so I don't look like a loser!

Haha, YAY! I just went to get the link and I have 6 fans. Awesome! Thanks Jenn, Keirsten, and Kati! I think those are all the ones that read my blog. If you do and I didn't thank you, I'm sorry!

And have I mentioned that I have the best followers ever?? Love your comments ya'll!

Oh and if anyone else has fan pages, let me know and I'll be your fan :) I didn't realize that they were separate things...I'm slow sometimes.

wobbly sweetness

I really like the word wobbly. It's just fun to say. And unlike most of the fun words I use, my spellcheck totally doesn't get mad when I use it! How cool is that? My dog has this really pretty ball. It's in all these rainbow colors and it's like this twisty braided ball. I'm pretty sure I like it a lot more than she does. That's not the point. It's pretty and fun and it has the word wobbly in it.

I'm sure you're wondering about my sudden obsession with the word wobbly. I'll let my Spoonful for tonight explain it:

They're Wobbly Bowls! How. Cool. Is. THAT? Aren't they beautiful? So many pretty colors. And they make me so happy! And they have a little pattern in them, which just adds to the coolness. I want to buy all the colors and have a bright, happy dinnerware set that all my friends will envy. And then I will flaunt them when they come visit and refuse to tell them where I got them because no one is allowed to be as cool as me. Ok, that might be mean. I just love them though! I would do my kitchen in neutrals; browns, tans, taupes. And then all the sudden *BAM* my dishes would come out. I'm pretty sure I've thought about this way too much.

Anyway, they come from atelierBB. She has some other incredible items in her shop, so be sure to check them all out. I especially like the Tapas Crostini platters too! I have no idea what a Tapas Crostini is, but I know I need one. Or four.

I'm in love. And I'm pretty sure my Wobbly Plates won't be divorcing me. The only thing a girl can count on is her dinnerware.

xoxo

sugar shots

Wow. I'm impressed with myself. I'm posting my Spoonful before dark!! It's because I'm sick and I don't feel like grouting. So I'm just sitting in bed with my computer watching TV. I really do need to get some grouting done today though. I think I'm just gonna have to take some more Tylenol and suck it up. I wish I could grout in bed...

I'm going to explain my title because I'm pretty sure it might only make sense in my anti-histamine soaked brain. I was thinking about sugar and wrists (cause it's a bracelet) and I kept thinking about tequila shots. You know, where you lick your wrist and sprinkle salt on it? I kept thinking about doing that with sugar. Hence the name 'sugar shots'.

My Spoonful today comes from Lune Designs. Not only is she an incredibly talented jewelry designer, but she's a very good friend. She's a great source of support and always good for a laugh-until-you-cry comment. She made this bracelet the other day and it was love at first sight. She used real live hardware to make it! I'm impressed. Check out her blog too! You won't be sorry you did :)

This just screams, "Buy me Michelle!" I look longingly at it everyday. I need to decide when my buying fast is going to end. Probably when Michelle gets a job or starts selling stuff...Feel free to browse my shop, people :)

Well, I'm going to make an attempt to get something useful done today. Or I might curl up and die. It's a toss up.

xoxo

candlelit sugar

Ok, so I really love the show "Jon & Kate Plus 8". I've always loved how real it seemed. No one toned it down or put on a happy face for the cameras. And those kids are precious. I'm sure everyone knows about the drama with the two of them at the moment. Normally, I don't care about junk like that. Happens every day. But I really thought those two would be ok. I watched the season premiere tonight and it made me so sad.

It broke my heart to see their faces. Because I know those faces. I know exactly what they were feeling. I know what it feels like to look at the person you though you were going to grow old with and wonder who the hell they are. Kate especially kills me. I can't imagine having the whole world think that my life was their business. I've told friends and family that it was none of their business what happened in my marriage (in nicer words, but still). I just look at them and I can see it.

It's a face I wish I knew nothing about. I wish I could look at that face and think, "Wow that must be hard" instead of knowing what it's like to be behind it. I know some people probably think that it's a publicity stunt and so on. It sounds stupid and sappy, but I know better. I see the pain and confusion. I see the effort to put on a happy face even though it's constantly there. I'm so glad that I don't have kids involved. I mean, I wanted kids with him, but in the end I'm glad we don't have kids that have to deal with it too. Because you know they know. I'm also glad I don't have to be in the public eye. I think they are both being calm and gracious in all of this. I would lose my mind. There are probably 3 people that know what really happened in my marriage. At least 3 that I've told. God knows how many he's told.

I don't know what the point to all that was. It just touched me. I wanted to reach through the screen and grab her hand. He's better at hiding it, but then men usually are. Whatever either one of them did or didn't do, it's hard for them both. You can tell they both wonder where it went wrong. That they remember that it used to be so good and wonder where that went. Ugh. Divorce should be illegal.

Anyway, sorry for not showing yesterday. I felt awful. I still feel icky today, but I'm functioning. I think my wisdom tooth is infected though. My whole jaw hurts. It's my own fault because I refuse to have them out. They're pretty much all the way in. I can chew with them. They usually don't bother me, but every now and then one will get infected. It's never hurt this bad before. I'm swishing with hydrogen peroxide and water. My orthodontist used to make me do that when I had braces and my gums would get infected. It's the most disgusting thing in the world, but it works. So hopefully a few days of that will take care of the issue.

I'm really excited because the last few days I've been working on my crosses. I've been wanting to do them forever, but I couldn't find a base I liked. I finally found some and I felt good enough today to get some pictures outside so I could get them posted! Go check them out in my shop :)

I found the cutest little Spoonful tonight. I love the simplicity of it and I'm a wrought iron freak. It's so rustic and elegant at the same time. Adore it! It's a wrought iron candle chandelier. It hangs from the wall instead of the ceiling too. I'm picturing one on each side of my dining room table...

It comes from Bacon Square Farm. I would love to do my whole house around a piece like this!

Candles always make everything feel better. Especially when they're in something this cute and unique! Ya'll have a good night. I'm going to bed early!

xoxo

maybe it's because i'm so tired

I'm sad tonight. I haven't cried in a long time. I thought maybe I had finally run out of tears. I was hoping I had at least. I can't pinpoint why I'm upset, but the pain is back. I know it wasn't ever really gone. I just got better at coping. At forgetting.

This whole thing has made me doubt myself and I hate that. I'm scared to be myself. Scared to say and do the things that I want to because I'm afraid someone else I love won't like it and they'll leave. I'm afraid someone else will take my inventory and find me lacking. I'm afraid I'll never be good enough again. And not just good enough, but great. I'm terrified of never being someone's everything again. I used to be comfortable with myself and in my skin, and he took that from me. I feel stupid and gross and ugly and bitchy and impossible to live with. He called me a burden. More painful words have never been spoken.

I want it to be gone though. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to ache for something that's over. But how do you stop something like that? If someone knows, please tell me. People act like I should just be able to shut it off. It's over, let it go. I wish, I WISH it was that easy. If I could blink all of it away, I would.  I so would. None of that "smile cause it happened" shit. It would just be gone. I'm so tired of hearing about how this is a "growing process" and how I'll "learn something". Just give it time. Everything happens for a reason. Yeah. Ok. Just once I wish someone would tell me, "It f-ing sucks and there's not a damn thing in hell you can do about it." At least I'd know they really knew what they were talking about.

I know people mean well when they tell me nice things, but I'm just so tired. I'm so, so tired. Hurting is exhausting. I'm getting impatient. I really thought it would have been significantly easier at this point. I've tried it all. Done all I can do. I so quit.

But who knows. Maybe that's what I need. Maybe I need to quit. To give up. Not real sure how to do that either. Maybe at some point I'll be too drained to care. Thought I would have been there by now. My God, can I please just get there?

I found a quote I like better than those sappy, sentimental ones. I found one that might be a bit on the cynical side. But you know what? At least it has some kind of plan to it. It makes a good point. It doesn't refer vaguely to rainbows and bunnies in the future. It talks about now. And making sure you don't get hurt again. And let me tell you what: I cannot do this again. I'm still not sure if this will break me, but I'm sure a second time would.

So, therefore:

"A wise girl kisses, but doesn't love. Listens, but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."

-Marilyn Monroe

Amen, sister.

she makes my heart happy

This is the face of the love of my life. And she can say my name. Is there anything sweeter than that?

overworked and underpaid and loving it

I'm so tired. I work all the time! Like literally from the time I get up until the time I go to sleep. I take breaks to eat (when I remember to...) and two walks for my dog (which she never lets me forget). I work on weekends, until midnight. It's exhausting. I have a very, very deep appreciation for moms who run their businesses and their households. Wow! Props to you. It takes an inordinate amount of strength and commitment to do that.

I'm working more than I ever did when I had a very demanding full-time job in property management. I was always showing houses, moving people in, doing quality control walks with construction supers in new homes, and a whole bunch of other things that I get tired just thinking about. Most days I had move-in appointments (paperwork, walk-thru's, etc.) every hour on the hour. Hustle, hustle, hustle. 

I had to make appointments with myself to do my paperwork and QC walk new homes. We got about 10 new homes delivered a week. QC walking involved putting your hands on everything in the house. You open all the cabinets, check the seams of the carpet, make sure the floor doesn't squeak, make sure the a/c unit is sealed, open and shut windows, and a million other things. All with about 18 guys following you around asking questions and ready to fix whatever you want. The power was very nice :)

Man, I loved that job. I loved working with people. Giving them something new and beautiful. Something I had scoured, perfected, and sometimes actually patched or painted myself. All in high heels, thank you very much. I miss people though. I miss meeting them, talking to them, and just being in their company. I miss working with them from the beginning of a home until the day they moved in. Maybe that's why I love creating so much. It keeps me busy, occupied. I get to get my hands dirty and know that it will make a difference to someone at some point.

It's so important to find something that will fulfill you. If your job doesn't, find it somewhere else. Do something that makes you truly happy. Whether it be creating a tile empire or baking cookies for your kiddos.  Everyone loses themselves at some point. It's just one of those things. Don't let it go on so long that you can't find yourself again.

I made my first sale yesterday. What a rush! It's addicting. I want that again and again and again! So now I'm working even harder. It's like crack. You need more and more every time to get the high. God help me because there's already not enough hours in the day. 

I'm rubbing off on my mom. She's having my dad take down their full length bathroom mirror (HUGE!) so I can do a tile frame around the edge. It'll be my biggest undertaking yet, and I'm really pumped. It'll be such an incredible accomplishment.

I'm not really excited about this post. It's kinda eh. It sounds as tired as I am. Hahaha. I want to say I'm getting off the computer and going to bed, but I now have to get my Kaboodle fix. It's my new drug of choice. Thanks a whole, whole lot Keirsten.

Give me something to write about folks! Leave comments or shoot me an email. Ask questions, tell me how crappy I am so I can argue with you, something! Get me all worked up. I do the best when I'm all worked up :)

maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me

I've been asked a few times why I started my shop and why I create the pieces I do. I've always felt uncomfortable answering that question. I think I feel like it should be some big creative genius love story. I think I should be someone who’s always had art in my soul. Unfortunately, it wasn't like that. It was actually born out of incredible pain, anger, and maybe a little bit of desperation. I'll start at the beginning...

I was never good at art. Not just not good, but bad; really bad. I think I failed art in kindergarten. All I remember is having to sit on the naughty carpet square because I finger painted another kid. I was hopeless at art from then on, and I really had no desire to experience it. I blame the naughty carpet square. To this very day stick people are a challenge for me. Heck, even my handwriting sucks.

Then one day that all changed. Don't get me wrong, I certainly didn't get any better at finger painting, but I changed. I changed because my husband asked me for a divorce. I was blindsided. I didn't see it coming. I lost my partner and best friend all in one fell swoop; in the space of mere seconds. I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this. This isn't about poor me, but it's relevant to the story seeing as how it was the catalyst for all this. But suffice it to say that I have never felt pain of this magnitude. I didn't want a divorce. I still don't. But you can't control other people, so you do the best you can with what you have.

It was so much easier to avoid it all. I was holed up, hiding out. I was doing what any woman would do - lying in bed and watching TV all day. My channel of choice was HGTV. That was rather strange in itself because I've never much had the patience for HGTV. Most of the time, I get bored and fast forward (DVR is the best invention ever!) to the end so I can just see the before and after. The worst is when they paint a room bright orange with neon green shelving units or something. I die a little inside every time that happens. I don't have anything against green or orange, but there's a time and a place...

As it tends to do, reality caught up with me and I had to start *gasp* coping. As I began my journey, I realized that I was completely empty and lost. I gave so much of myself to my marriage, to my husband, that I didn't have anything left for me. I didn’t have a definition of myself anymore. For those of you who haven't experienced that, it's terrifying. I just kept thinking, "What am I going to do now?".

So what does HGTV have to do with anything? I began noticing how intent and interested I became when they used glass tiles. They were beautiful. So many colors, shapes, sizes, and textures. I was transfixed. How can you look at those suckers and not feel happiness down to your soul? Mostly they were putting them in kitchen back splashes or bathrooms, but I don't own a house. So tiling is out for me. So I sucked up as much as I could on TV.

I wanted those tiles so badly. I had this strange urge to touch them; to feel the cool smoothness. I wanted to hold them up every which way and watch the light play through them. I wanted to feel the weight of them in my hand. That may sound odd to some people. To be honest, it would have sounded really odd to me a few months ago. Now I realize it was just something shifting inside of me.

One day I was telling one of my friends about my tile fixation and the resulting dilemma. She just looked at me and said, "Why don't you find something else to stick 'em on?" God love her. What she lacks in eloquence she makes up for in truth. So I did what she said. I started to think about just how many ways I could use them. The possibilities are truly endless.

Of course, my dream would be to make a career out of this and support myself. I don't have any false illusions on that front though. If it happens, it happens. If not, well, I guess that's why I went to college. But at the worst time in my life, I've had the chance to do something important to me. I’ve been able to create; to put a little of myself into every piece and share it with someone else. I know it sounds way sappy, but I kind of feel like I can breathe a little deeper with every tile I lay.

I don't know any fancy art words. I can't tell you the difference between the Impressionists and the Expressionists. I can’t hold up the fraying end of a deep, artistic discussion. In the educational sense, I haven't a clue what I'm doing. I just love creating my pieces. I enjoy the entire process, from picking out the elements to sealing the grout. I make huge messes. I'm forever finding grout on my elbows and ears. Sometimes I want to take one of my pieces outside and use it to shoot skeet because I'm so frustrated. I'm the farthest thing from a professional artist, but now I think I know how it feels to have art in your soul.