i am SUCH a genius

You know how there are some things you just let a professional do? Like replacing your transmission, preforming brain surgery, and oh, I don't know, waxing your eyebrows? Yeah. I had a major lapse in judgement today. I totally waxed one end of an eyebrow off. Like completely off. Gone.

I'll start at the beginning because there are some warning signs that I hope to help others identify before they repeat my mistakes.

I've always plucked my own eyebrows. I can get the darker ones, but after some time I get a bunch of fine, tiny blonde hairs that are impossible to get with tweezers. I start to look furry around my eyebrows. The light catches them. Haha. Anyway, every now and then I go to get my eyebrows waxed to get all the little ones that I can't. In an effort to save money (there are just some things you should pay for), I bought some wax at Wal-Mart on Sunday.

Today would be the day, I decided. I got out my magnified vanity mirror and sat by the window (because natural light is best). I opened the box and dumped out false advertising at its best. I read the instructions. I always wonder how long to warm it. However, "Use our new Accu-Warm Paddle!" the instructions exclaimed. Supposedly it takes the guesswork out of waxing. You simply stick the temperature gauging paddle in the wax and wait till it says "Ready". Awesome. Can do. First sign that I should have run screaming: there wasn't an Accu-Paddle in my box.

Ok, don't panic. Not an issue. The instructions say just to test it on your wrist. So I warm it for 30 seconds as the instructions "suggested". It didn't so much as soften. So I did a minute. Nothing. So I did another minute. Ok, the edges are melting. One more minute should do it. Since it had warmed so slowly, I put it in and went to let the dog out back. I began to smell something just nasty from the kitchen. I run to the microwave. My wax is boiling. Literally. And it reeks.

Alrighty, no biggie. I'll just let it cool. I almost died from exposure to the fumes, but after about 15 minutes it had cooled down enough that it didn't scald my wrist. So I get out the little wooden applicator stick, and put it on my eyebrow. Cuh-rap. I got it too high.

Don't worry. I can salvage this. I'll just wipe the wax off the top. Oh, but it doesn't just wipe off. It pulls out about 85% of the hairs anyway. Now I just look like an adolescent boy trying to grow a beard with like 3 hairs sprouting. At this point, I gave in and just plucked the rest of the end off. Know when to fold 'em.

In my defense, that particular eyebrow has a scar running through the middle of it from when I got hit in the head with a beer bottle. So not a lot of hair grows there in the first place. This made it easier than normal to get too much hair in the wax. Right.

After I divested myself of half the first eyebrow, I was brave (stupid?) enough to do the other. It went ok. I'm still sporting a full brow on that side. But after I cleaned up the table (because I had dripped and stretched strings of wax all over the place) my ill-fated attempt at waxing went directly in the trash. Good riddance.

Hopefully it doesn't take too long for my eyebrow to grow back in. Not like I go anywhere anyway. It doesn't look too too bad. I guess. God is really testing me on this not shopping thing. I could really use some new sunglasses to cover up my stupidness...

xoxo

maybe it's because i'm so tired

I'm sad tonight. I haven't cried in a long time. I thought maybe I had finally run out of tears. I was hoping I had at least. I can't pinpoint why I'm upset, but the pain is back. I know it wasn't ever really gone. I just got better at coping. At forgetting.

This whole thing has made me doubt myself and I hate that. I'm scared to be myself. Scared to say and do the things that I want to because I'm afraid someone else I love won't like it and they'll leave. I'm afraid someone else will take my inventory and find me lacking. I'm afraid I'll never be good enough again. And not just good enough, but great. I'm terrified of never being someone's everything again. I used to be comfortable with myself and in my skin, and he took that from me. I feel stupid and gross and ugly and bitchy and impossible to live with. He called me a burden. More painful words have never been spoken.

I want it to be gone though. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to ache for something that's over. But how do you stop something like that? If someone knows, please tell me. People act like I should just be able to shut it off. It's over, let it go. I wish, I WISH it was that easy. If I could blink all of it away, I would.  I so would. None of that "smile cause it happened" shit. It would just be gone. I'm so tired of hearing about how this is a "growing process" and how I'll "learn something". Just give it time. Everything happens for a reason. Yeah. Ok. Just once I wish someone would tell me, "It f-ing sucks and there's not a damn thing in hell you can do about it." At least I'd know they really knew what they were talking about.

I know people mean well when they tell me nice things, but I'm just so tired. I'm so, so tired. Hurting is exhausting. I'm getting impatient. I really thought it would have been significantly easier at this point. I've tried it all. Done all I can do. I so quit.

But who knows. Maybe that's what I need. Maybe I need to quit. To give up. Not real sure how to do that either. Maybe at some point I'll be too drained to care. Thought I would have been there by now. My God, can I please just get there?

I found a quote I like better than those sappy, sentimental ones. I found one that might be a bit on the cynical side. But you know what? At least it has some kind of plan to it. It makes a good point. It doesn't refer vaguely to rainbows and bunnies in the future. It talks about now. And making sure you don't get hurt again. And let me tell you what: I cannot do this again. I'm still not sure if this will break me, but I'm sure a second time would.

So, therefore:

"A wise girl kisses, but doesn't love. Listens, but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."

-Marilyn Monroe

Amen, sister.

sug-ah

Well. It's been an interesting day. I got a lot of staining done. I made a huge sticky mess. Have I mentioned that I HATE stain? Ugh. So gross. It's hot as Hades outside. Not that it's even gotten close to the kind of hot it's going to be here in Houston. Good old Houston. So humid it feels like you're drowning when you walk outside. Yummy.

I'm on my feet all the time. Me and Jers walk 2.5 miles a day, 7 days a week. I stand most of the day, either outside to stain or paint at the worktable or inside by the sink scrubbing grout off my masterpieces. I got a massage the other day. Mom got me a gift card at Christmas and I kept forgetting to go. See how stressed I've been? I forgot a stinking massage. Sad day. Anyway, after my massage was over the girl was like, "Are you on your feet a lot? Because the muscles and ligaments in your feet are incredibly hard and tight. It looks like you put most of your weight on the inside of your feet too, and that's not good."

Lesson of the day: pay attention to your massage therapist. I brushed it off. Yeah my feet hurt. I stand all danged day. Duh. But today, I tore a ligament in my foot. I just took a step and hit my knees. The pain was so bad. At first I thought it was a bad muscle cramp, so I stretched it and rubbed it and tried to walk it off. Not so much. So yeah. Torn plantar fascia. That would be the ligament that connects your toes to your heel. It hurts when I walk, when I wiggle my toes, when I flex my foot, when I stretch my foot, and basically anytime I think about my foot. And now my other foot hurts from putting so much weight on it!

I know I'm being a whiny baby, but for crying out loud in a bucket! How much crap is one person supposed to take. I guess that's what I get for telling the universe to "bring it on" in a fit of rage. Second lesson of the day: don't take your anger out on the universe.

I'm supposed to tape it, take my pain pills, ice it, keep it elevated, and stay off my feet. Well, 2 out of 5 isn't bad. I can't stay off my feet. It's what I do. I hate ice. It hurts and basically makes me grouchy. Plus I don't like doctors, so I get mad when they tell me what to do. I broke my foot and didn't use my crutches or walking cast. Well, I did for awhile because my foot was literally incapable of holding my weight. That lasted about two weeks though. Then it was, hello Ace bandage and hobbling. I never went back for my recheck either. You think I'd learn because the bone healed funny and now I have a lump on the side of my foot. I broke my pinky once too and didn't go to the doctor at all. Now I have a hunchback pinky. I was kinda bummed because it was my favorite pinky. It was skinnier and had a prettier shaped nail than my other one. But I don't learn. I figure if broken bones didn't kick my ass, a ligament has no chance. Rub some dirt in it and walk it off.

But tonight my Spoonful of Sugar is in honor of my aching, throbbing foot. It comes from Blissology. It's called the Footsie Bar. It's a fun name. I know it's technically for dry feet, but I love peppermint and it just sounds so refreshing and tingly.

So go check out the shop! There's all sorts of blissful sounding things there. And check out the Sweet Coco-Mango Soap. It's purty.

under construction...

I've been working on putting a second sidebar into my blog. I should have just shot myself in the face and gotten it over with. I think I've ground my teeth down to the gums. Ridiculous. Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier to have an option to add a second sidebar instead of having to edit the HTML? Yes. But that would make sense. And we wouldn't want to make sense, now would we?

So, if you visited my blog and the background was neon yellow (which it was for awhile...WTF??) or my sidebar ran into the middle of my posts, I apologize. I have conquered the double sidebar though. Now I'm trying to decide if I want them both on one side or if I want one on the right and one on the left. I'm also going to put borders around the different sections I think. But I can't take anymore tonight. If I see anymore HTML coding in the next 24 hours or so, I cannot be held responsible for what might happen.

Right now, I'm going to get ready for bed, eat Wheat Chex with lots of sugar, watch NCIS, and take my Ambien. In that precise order. Goodnight and good riddance HTML!