just for angela...

Well, I don't have any fun road trip pictures today cause I didn't go anywhere, but I will make up for it.

Kati and I went shopping today. Cause I totally needed more clothes. Then we had lunch at Panera (one of my FAVES!), and we ran some other errands. Then Kati's sister and her boyfriend came over for dinner. It was a fun day. Tomorrow Kati's husband is getting up and making breakfast for us. I suggested that he take my husband under his wing...

By the way, I asked the husband if I could use his name and he said yes. Well, I can use his initials, but that's what everyone calls him anyway. I just can't say what it stands for. Anyway, his name is TJ. So yay for that. Now I don't have to call him "the husband" anymore.

So more details for Angela...I will be living in Georgia. He is not home right now, but will be back not too long from now. Sorry, but I have to be vague about that he says. When he gets back, I'm going to go up there. He lives with a friend in an apartment right now. I call him LB. Apparently we're big on initials.

Anyway, when everyone gets back, we're going to move into a new townhouse thing together. We're a precious little family. LB just wants to have a wife without actually having a wife. He likes it when I go get stuff for him at Wal-Mart and make the house look nice. But that's ok. I don't mind. They have some training to go to about a month after they get home. They'll be gone for another 3 months or so. I think I'm gonna stay in Georgia and find a job and enjoy having the place to myself. I'll use that time to girly up the place. No more bachelor pad for the boys.

Angela didn't have anymore questions, but she wants all the details. It's funny to think about how I never really mentioned him or our relationship in all the posts I've written. I mean, ok, I realize that I frequently mentioned him, but not anything about us. So here are the basics:

We've been married for 4 years, together for 5. He has a daughter who is going to be 8 in November. He's 27. He is obsessively neat and frequently throws things away that I need because I happened to leave it sitting on the kitchen table for more than 18 minutes. We tease each other relentlessly and we have a shit ton of fun doing it. He is my absolute best friend. I tell him everything and I can totally be myself around him. Which I realize should be the case when you marry someone, but I think a lot of people still don't have that. I have so missed having him around to talk to.

He laughs out loud when he watches TV. He mouths the words I'm saying when I talk to him. It's really kind of creepy. It's like he knows everything I'm going to say. Like lip syncing. It's also fun to watch, and he doesn't realize when he's doing it. He thinks I've turned Jers into a sissy. Which I so have not, BTW. He gets a new car like every year. Well, not new new, but new to us. In the months that we've been, *ahem*, not together he's managed to acquire a different one.

He always notices when I paint my toenails a new color. He is OCD about working out. Goes to the gym everyday. I personally think he's unbalanced, but it's whatever. We sleep back to back. He won't eat McDonald's, which again, I find unbalanced. He takes the longest showers of anyone I've ever known. Like ever; in my whole life.

While I stomp around and yell, he's incredibly patient. I get mad when he won't fight back. I mean sometimes you just get good and mad, and it's incredibly irritating when the person who is supposed to be fighting with you stays impeccably calm. He gripes at me for hogging the covers, but I think he secretly likes it. Some days I want to kick him in the teeth, but I love him every day.

Oh, fun story. So, he proposed to me on a beach in Florida. It was late at night and he suggested we go for a walk on the beach. So we do, and it's just like the movies. The waves were crashing, the moon was our only light...so romantic. So we're walking and he starts telling me how much he loves me and stuff. Then he stops and hits one knee. So I'm like super excited. He asks if I'll marry him, opens the ring box, and the ring goes flying out like it was spring loaded.

Now the light of the moon is not so much romantic as it is a huge hindrance. We couldn't find the ring anywhere. We were so careful and sifted through the sand, but to no avail. I have never seen him look that ill to this very day. So he called a friend who brought a flashlight out. We still couldn't find it. So I go to Wal-Mart (at 2am, mind you) to buy a metal detector. The boys stayed on the beach with the ring.

So I go into Wal-Mart, find a metal detector and batteries, and go to pay. The lady is looking at me like I'm nuts. So I told her what happened. So she was just like, "Oh honey. After you find it, just bring this back and you can return it." Which was good since it was like $250. So, I'm hurrying back to the beach and I get pulled over for speeding. You know how the cops always ask why you're in such a hurry? Yeah. I had a good reason. So I told him and he looked like he didn't believe me till I showed him the metal detector. He started looking ill too, so I'm thinking his wife's ring was rather expensive. He let me go.

So I get back out there, and the boys had used their shoes to cordon off a possible landing area for the ring. Geez, military much? The boys put the batteries in and TJ started sweeping it across the designated square. He started in the bottom left corner and swept up diagonally. It wasn't looking good. He got to the very top right corner and it went off. His friend hit his knees and started digging like crazy. Then all the sudden his hand shot up in the air. He had the ring. He was in our wedding.

TJ yanked it out of his hand and jammed it on my finger. I never did answer the marriage question. So we went back to Wal-Mart and when I walked in, everyone kind of looked at me expectantly. I held my hand up in the air and a cheer went up. It was awesome. We returned the metal detector and went back to the hotel and passed out.

Looking back, it's pretty funny. But only because we found the ring. I think he would have wept if we didn't. He probably wouldn't have left the beach. All the old people come out early in the morning with their metal detectors and they're like vultures.

Anyway, enough detail for now. I'm sure I've bored you all to tears. It's Angela's fault. Blame her. So here are some pictures for ya'll. One of us and then like my favorite picture ever of him. He's sexy :)

So, I hope you enjoyed the details and the pictures. I'm a sleepy girl. I'm gonna eat a chocolate chip cookie and watch "Design Star" on my computer. Then I'm going to drift off to dreamland where I can eat all the chocolate chip cookies and chocolate donuts I want and not gain an ounce.

xoxo

maybe a lobotomy would help

Breathe in. Breathe out. That's what I'm focused on. Thursday is my 4th wedding anniversary. Yay. We made it 4 years.

I kept telling myself that I'd be fine, it's just another day, no biggie. But something about it being Monday and the official start of the week...Well I'm losing my mind. I'm trying so hard not to have panic and anxiety attacks that I'm literally twitching. So pardon me in advance if I do a whole bunch of random, manic sounding blog posts in the next week or so. You can picture me laughing like a crazy person if it makes them easier to sit through.

The Lexapro is failing me when I need it the most. I'm running around like a psycho trying to take my mind off of it. I'll get a lot done this week, I'm sure. I'll also have random breakdowns too. I don't miss the days of random breakdowns. I was so done with them! But I feel like I'm back on that emotional edge. Don't look at me wrong or I'll burst into tears. The more I try to forget, the more I think about it. I'm hoping that the whole "anticipation is worse than the event" thing will hold up in this case. I'm hoping I get to Thursday and forget what day it is. Fat effing chance.

*sigh* I'm spending Thursday with my hero and BFF, Stacy. She won't look at me strange if I start sobbing or laughing hysterically all the sudden.

I don't know if the shopping ban can hold up through this. I just might not be that strong.

xoxo

candlelit sugar

Ok, so I really love the show "Jon & Kate Plus 8". I've always loved how real it seemed. No one toned it down or put on a happy face for the cameras. And those kids are precious. I'm sure everyone knows about the drama with the two of them at the moment. Normally, I don't care about junk like that. Happens every day. But I really thought those two would be ok. I watched the season premiere tonight and it made me so sad.

It broke my heart to see their faces. Because I know those faces. I know exactly what they were feeling. I know what it feels like to look at the person you though you were going to grow old with and wonder who the hell they are. Kate especially kills me. I can't imagine having the whole world think that my life was their business. I've told friends and family that it was none of their business what happened in my marriage (in nicer words, but still). I just look at them and I can see it.

It's a face I wish I knew nothing about. I wish I could look at that face and think, "Wow that must be hard" instead of knowing what it's like to be behind it. I know some people probably think that it's a publicity stunt and so on. It sounds stupid and sappy, but I know better. I see the pain and confusion. I see the effort to put on a happy face even though it's constantly there. I'm so glad that I don't have kids involved. I mean, I wanted kids with him, but in the end I'm glad we don't have kids that have to deal with it too. Because you know they know. I'm also glad I don't have to be in the public eye. I think they are both being calm and gracious in all of this. I would lose my mind. There are probably 3 people that know what really happened in my marriage. At least 3 that I've told. God knows how many he's told.

I don't know what the point to all that was. It just touched me. I wanted to reach through the screen and grab her hand. He's better at hiding it, but then men usually are. Whatever either one of them did or didn't do, it's hard for them both. You can tell they both wonder where it went wrong. That they remember that it used to be so good and wonder where that went. Ugh. Divorce should be illegal.

Anyway, sorry for not showing yesterday. I felt awful. I still feel icky today, but I'm functioning. I think my wisdom tooth is infected though. My whole jaw hurts. It's my own fault because I refuse to have them out. They're pretty much all the way in. I can chew with them. They usually don't bother me, but every now and then one will get infected. It's never hurt this bad before. I'm swishing with hydrogen peroxide and water. My orthodontist used to make me do that when I had braces and my gums would get infected. It's the most disgusting thing in the world, but it works. So hopefully a few days of that will take care of the issue.

I'm really excited because the last few days I've been working on my crosses. I've been wanting to do them forever, but I couldn't find a base I liked. I finally found some and I felt good enough today to get some pictures outside so I could get them posted! Go check them out in my shop :)

I found the cutest little Spoonful tonight. I love the simplicity of it and I'm a wrought iron freak. It's so rustic and elegant at the same time. Adore it! It's a wrought iron candle chandelier. It hangs from the wall instead of the ceiling too. I'm picturing one on each side of my dining room table...

It comes from Bacon Square Farm. I would love to do my whole house around a piece like this!

Candles always make everything feel better. Especially when they're in something this cute and unique! Ya'll have a good night. I'm going to bed early!

xoxo