sexy sugar

So, funny story. I came up to bed to get on the computer and do the admin I've been neglecting. While I was looking for double Spoonful tonight I thought, "It won't take long to find some." So I took my sleeping pill. I'm seeing double and I'm writing goboldy gook. This could get interesting. Since I slacked last night and didn't do my Spoonful, I've got 2 tonight. If you could see me writing this you would be shitting your pants laughing. I can only have on eye opened or my vision doubles and I can't see anything. Not that it's turning out to be easy to type like this either...just excuse me my craziness aed grammatical errors.

I went with the sexy theme because I have been feeling anything but sexy lately. The whole "person-i-love-more-than-life-itself-has-left-me-high-and-dry" incident has all but decimated my self-esteem and confidence. Yay. So I need sexy stuff. Mom said I needed pretty earrings.

Anyway, my title is sexy sugar because I haven found things that make me feel sexy. The first one is the most beautiful pencil skirt! I love pencil skirts. There's just something so hot about them. I really want one, but I'm not sure where I'd wear it. But it is one of the sexiest pieces of clothing I've ever seen.

So I found 2 Spoonfuls for tonight. The first comes from a shop called Ureshii. It's a sexy little pencil skirt with some ruffling on the bottom to give it another dose of sexy :)

That is just hot. A rather classy way to strut your stuff! She also has other way cute clothes in her store, so check those out!

The next Spoonful is a pair of sexy earrings. I wear studs all the time so this is a big stretch for me, but according to my mom I don't "use the features of my face to their best abilities". Gofig. Thanks Momma. Anywho, the next Spoonful comes from Michele Clagett. This is my personal favorite, but she has tons of awesome jewelry on her site, so check it out!

Beautiful things to make you feel sexy and like a woman. Strut your stuff!!! Sleeping pill is winningggggggggggggggggggggggg...............................................

i'm a bad, bad person

I didn't do my Spoonful yesterday! Sorry! I got up at 7 to do all this stuff for the company that came yesterday. There were things to clean and sheets to wash and evidence to hide...I had to walk the dog and stain somethings and shower too. Then they got here and I played hostess. I love having them here though. It's my grandma, grandpa, and aunt. All from my mom's side. They're so fun. Aunt Linda cracks me up. I wish they could stay longer.

But anywho, we're going shopping today. I just had to say sorry for no Spoonful! Maybe I'll do 2 tonight and we can pretend like I didn't skip any!

i thought i could do it...

Grey's Anatomy. One of my favorite shows of all time. I've had the last one on my DVR for days. Usually I watch it ASAP. I didn't know why I wasn't interested. I know now. It's was my subconscious trying to protect me. Because there was a wedding.

For all my sarcastic bitterness, I actually hurt a whole, whole lot. It's just one of those rather-laugh-than-cry situations. I like knowing I can make other people laugh too. I love all your comments and emails, by the way. They make me happy.

So tonight I decided to watch it. And there was the wedding. I just kept thinking, "It's been two months. I can do this now. I'm better." Clearly I'm just getting better at lying to myself. It may seem stupid or insignificant to some people, but I have been avoiding all things wedding. And when I can't avoid it, I make snarky comments. I've accepted this as my coping mechanism. But it seems like I always cry at Grey's, no matter what's happening. It does that to me. And tonight there was the wedding.

It shattered me. It was like all the tears I haven't let myself cry over the past few weeks were just waiting for something like that. I was pretty much in a state of panic the whole time I watched it. I kept screaming, "Turn it off!" in my head, but I couldn't. I just watched and it was kind of like my whole married life was flashing before my eyes. Bits and pieces of my wedding and life invaded my thoughts again. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Just when I thought I'd gotten past that.

There really is no point to all of this. I'm just trying to do something to take my mind off of it. I know that writing about it doesn't seem like the brightest idea, but it helps. Plus I can concentrate on my fingers flying across the keyboard and making that soothing clicking sound. 

I know I have so much to be grateful for, and I know that divorce isn't the end all, be all. I know that one day I'll look back and it will be ok. That day is not today. I fear that that day isn't coming anytime soon. I know there are people dying and people who are sick and kids who are getting abused. I know that this is not a world shattering thing. But for me it is. I can't imagine feeling  anymore pain than I am feeling at the moment. And in a way, this is a death to me. It feels wrong, but it seems worse than death to me. At least if he would have died, it wouldn't have been his choice. At least I would have known that he didn't leave me because he didn't love me. At least there would have been an end; some closure. 

But it's just like this nightmare that goes on and on. I keep wondering what I did; replaying every moment of our marriage trying to figure out when it went wrong. And trying to think of a way to make it right. Even though, logically, I know that it's over. He doesn't want to make it right and I can't make him want it. That doesn't stop me from trying. It's just like maybe this time he'll listen. Maybe I'll use the right words and he'll see the light. Maybe his heart will break a little bit too.

I took my Ambien and I'm getting loopy now. If you lasted this long, thanks for sticking with me. I try my best not to turn this into a sob story, and most days I can. Today, I couldn't. I can only do so much though, right?

sug-ah

Well. It's been an interesting day. I got a lot of staining done. I made a huge sticky mess. Have I mentioned that I HATE stain? Ugh. So gross. It's hot as Hades outside. Not that it's even gotten close to the kind of hot it's going to be here in Houston. Good old Houston. So humid it feels like you're drowning when you walk outside. Yummy.

I'm on my feet all the time. Me and Jers walk 2.5 miles a day, 7 days a week. I stand most of the day, either outside to stain or paint at the worktable or inside by the sink scrubbing grout off my masterpieces. I got a massage the other day. Mom got me a gift card at Christmas and I kept forgetting to go. See how stressed I've been? I forgot a stinking massage. Sad day. Anyway, after my massage was over the girl was like, "Are you on your feet a lot? Because the muscles and ligaments in your feet are incredibly hard and tight. It looks like you put most of your weight on the inside of your feet too, and that's not good."

Lesson of the day: pay attention to your massage therapist. I brushed it off. Yeah my feet hurt. I stand all danged day. Duh. But today, I tore a ligament in my foot. I just took a step and hit my knees. The pain was so bad. At first I thought it was a bad muscle cramp, so I stretched it and rubbed it and tried to walk it off. Not so much. So yeah. Torn plantar fascia. That would be the ligament that connects your toes to your heel. It hurts when I walk, when I wiggle my toes, when I flex my foot, when I stretch my foot, and basically anytime I think about my foot. And now my other foot hurts from putting so much weight on it!

I know I'm being a whiny baby, but for crying out loud in a bucket! How much crap is one person supposed to take. I guess that's what I get for telling the universe to "bring it on" in a fit of rage. Second lesson of the day: don't take your anger out on the universe.

I'm supposed to tape it, take my pain pills, ice it, keep it elevated, and stay off my feet. Well, 2 out of 5 isn't bad. I can't stay off my feet. It's what I do. I hate ice. It hurts and basically makes me grouchy. Plus I don't like doctors, so I get mad when they tell me what to do. I broke my foot and didn't use my crutches or walking cast. Well, I did for awhile because my foot was literally incapable of holding my weight. That lasted about two weeks though. Then it was, hello Ace bandage and hobbling. I never went back for my recheck either. You think I'd learn because the bone healed funny and now I have a lump on the side of my foot. I broke my pinky once too and didn't go to the doctor at all. Now I have a hunchback pinky. I was kinda bummed because it was my favorite pinky. It was skinnier and had a prettier shaped nail than my other one. But I don't learn. I figure if broken bones didn't kick my ass, a ligament has no chance. Rub some dirt in it and walk it off.

But tonight my Spoonful of Sugar is in honor of my aching, throbbing foot. It comes from Blissology. It's called the Footsie Bar. It's a fun name. I know it's technically for dry feet, but I love peppermint and it just sounds so refreshing and tingly.

So go check out the shop! There's all sorts of blissful sounding things there. And check out the Sweet Coco-Mango Soap. It's purty.

you are my candy girl

So I was browsing Etsy for my Spoonful tonight, and the front page had wedding themed items on it. Gag me with a spoon. I'm so bitter. I just keep thinking things like, "Don't waste your money" and "He's a lying butthead". There was this thing that said "I'll love you forever" and I actually snorted out loud. Yeah friggin' right. Lies, all of it.

Bitter much? Only when other people are happy. I'm kidding. I am bitter though. I was at Michael's today getting stuff for my new serving trays, and they have this little DIY wedding section. Christ almighty...apparently it was "rub the divorce in Michelle's face" day. There were like 812 (I like that number for some reason) people in the aisle. All chattering and giggling. I had the almost uncontrollable urge to run down the aisle screaming, "DON'T DO IT!" and tip all their carts over. It's been an interesting day. The fact that I'm pretty sure he left for deployment and didn't call first doesn't help matters...Twist the knife, dude; twist the knife.

Anyway, I really didn't get on to write a bitter things-do-not-end-happily-ever-after post. Etsy made me do it with their sappy wedding crap.

I was reading this blog earlier today and the girl was talking about how she was going to do a shop of the week because "she blogs a lot". Holy crap. I do a shop of the day. The addiction is spiraling out of control. AND NOW, sweet Beth has offered me a discount on the sushi set. I want it so bad it makes my teeth hurt. Buying stuff makes me feel better. I know it's unhealthy. I took all the classes in college. Too bad knowing better usually doesn't mean doing better.

I got my tank tops from Aeropostale a few days ago. I ordered one of every color. Actually, two of some colors...FIRST of all, they were like 30% off. SECOND, I wear a tank top, sports bra, and yoga pants everyday. Because I am lazier than sin. So, you see; I needed those tank tops. I couldn't do laundry fast enough to keep up with my tank top habit before! Now I need more sports bras...

You know what I really want to do? I want to make a treasury on Etsy. But seriously...they have a limit. I don't have the patience to sit around and wait for someone else's to expire so I can pounce on the spot like a rabid tiger. Can tigers be rabid? I really think that would be fun though. Too bad they make it so danged hard.

I keep flipping back and forth between here and Etsy. I'm still Spoonful shopping. Could someone please take the wedding crap down? Seriously. And holy mother of God, can anyone afford $250 earrings?? And if you can, will you adopt me?

Well, I've found my Spoonful. It's from Pure Innovation. It's so me. This is pretty much a representation of all the items I own.

I can't believe this is hand painted! I can't imagine being able to do that. There are a lot of other beautiful things in the shop. Another favorite of mine was the Custom Block Letters. Check those out too.

I have to go stain some more things now. I got smart and bought those cheapo sponge brushes so that I can just trash them after I stain. Not more goopy, oily, sticky, nasty stain to try to clean out of my beautiful paintbrushes!

today is a shopping day!!!!

I love shopping days :) Especially when I know I'm going to make money on what I buy! My cousin wants me to do a custom piece for her. She wants a hook rack for the wall of her boy's bedroom. I guess backpacks and jackets always end up on the floor. I'm really excited. I love custom pieces! It's gonna be so cute. I'm gonna find some blue, red, and yellow tiles. The theme of their room is space and astronauts and stuff. I'm going to have a few tiles made that have stars, planets, and spaceships on them so I can scatter them throughout the piece.

I'm going to skip merrily through the stores. Too bad I can't buy everything I want at one place though. There's going to be at least 3 stores on my agenda today. Maybe more if I can't find exactly what I want at one of my "go-to" places. I have a tendency to stand in the aisles staring at things for a long time too. I might not be home til midnight...

One of my very best friends also wants me to make a tray for her. She likes the brown one I already sold, so I need to get stuff for her tray too. My credit card is gonna be smoking by the end of the day :)

Funny story...I'm in limbo at the moment. Since I'm getting a divorce, I'm living with my parents till September when I move in with Tammy in NC. I can't go before then cause she's still in a lease. So, anyway, I have my craft table upstairs in the game room. That's what I call it. It's what it was when we were little. Now it's the treadmill/old TV/telescope (don't ask...)/my craft table room. It's at the top of the stairs and there aren't any walls on the stair side. So basically every time you come up the stairs, you can see into the room through the railing. Not sure if that made sense.

Back to my funny story. I get off track a lot. All the bedrooms are upstairs in my parent's house, so you walk by that room everyday. I have all my finished stuff set up and I always see Mom stopping in there all the time to look at stuff. She doesn't work on Fridays, so yesterday I got back from walking Jers and she was in the kitchen. She yells at me as soon as the door opens, "Michelle! Come in here and tell me what you think!" She's always moving stuff or painting something, and we have relatives coming so that's been increased exponentially. So I figured she just did that again. So I go in the kitchen and she's got two things from my table set up on the counter. She was like, "I'm just going to buy these!" When Dad got home he said, "Why didn't you just take them? They already sit up there." He's got jokes. Oh, Dad.

So she's got this candle holder and a mirror that I've made. They actually look really good. She's draped like this fake vine thing around the mirror. I dunno where she gets this stuff. So I told her it looked good. Then she whips out this 4"x4" ceramic tile that I had in my stash and she goes, "And can you put this in the middle of the mirror so it's more decorative than mirror-ish." The woman cracks me up. Having that craft table there is my best advertising ploy ever! And I didn't even mean to :)

Well, I was passing the time while my hair dried a little. If I try to dry it right away, it takes like an hour. So I have to let it air dry for a bit before I take the hair dryer to it. Not that anyone really cares about that. But I've got shopping to do!

under construction...

I've been working on putting a second sidebar into my blog. I should have just shot myself in the face and gotten it over with. I think I've ground my teeth down to the gums. Ridiculous. Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier to have an option to add a second sidebar instead of having to edit the HTML? Yes. But that would make sense. And we wouldn't want to make sense, now would we?

So, if you visited my blog and the background was neon yellow (which it was for awhile...WTF??) or my sidebar ran into the middle of my posts, I apologize. I have conquered the double sidebar though. Now I'm trying to decide if I want them both on one side or if I want one on the right and one on the left. I'm also going to put borders around the different sections I think. But I can't take anymore tonight. If I see anymore HTML coding in the next 24 hours or so, I cannot be held responsible for what might happen.

Right now, I'm going to get ready for bed, eat Wheat Chex with lots of sugar, watch NCIS, and take my Ambien. In that precise order. Goodnight and good riddance HTML!